Today I’d like to address a topic that has been weighing very heavily on my heart. No, not the ongoing civil war in Libya and not even the projection that the polar ice caps will be completely melted like…four years ago…but something even heavier. Something that is sure to turn man against wife, brother against brother, Ernie against Bert.
All wheel drive is for suckers.
You don’t need it.
Even now as I’m writing this, I can hear a million WRX owners cry out in terror. It’s okay WRX owners, just go back outside and install another tow hook that will never be used. And not because WRXs don’t need towing, but because you’d never put your WRX in a situation where it could actually get stuck.
Gooood….gooooood…let the hate flow through you…
But why, Mikael? Why would you say such a thing? If all wheel drive is so worthless, why would so many car manufacturers spend so much time and effort engineering it into so many different car models? Because all wheel drive is the automotive equivalent of a Tapout shirt. It’s not the actual capability that matters, but the illusion of capability. Yeah, bro, better get AWD on your Rogue because I mean how else are you going to conquer Moab?
“But…but…but…it SNOWS where I live!” Great! Get front wheel drive and snow tires. Seriously. Unless you’re plowing through snow above your hood trying to rescue your friend from a Wompa, a decent set of Blizzaks will provide more than enough tractive force to get moving. You know what AWD doesn’t help you do? Turn or stop, both of which are much more important (and likely) winter driving emergency maneuvers.
“Okay, so I’ll have all wheel drive AND winter tires!” Awesome! Have fun dragging all of that dead weight around the other 358 days a year that you’re not driving in an active snowstorm. The Ford Edge incurs a 166 pound and 1mpg city/highway penalty. Getting AWD on a 2016 Charger costs 246lbs. and freaking FOUR MPG on the highway. That’s a 13% drop in gas mileage because two times last year it got a wittle swippery outside and you had to run away from an AT-AT.
But you guys, I’m not completely unreasonable. I’ll concede that AWD has a huge advantage in motorsports. HAHA JUST KIDDING I CONCEDE NOTHING. Let’s look at all wheel drive’s best case scenario: RallyCross, because MY SUBARU IS RALLY-BRED. For those of you unfamiliar with RallyCross, it’s like AutoCross but way worse for people with allergies and with 800% more Subarus. Review the 2015 RallyCross Nationals results. Here’s what you’ll find – the national RallyCross champion for stock front wheel drive cars in 2015 was a Plymouth Neon. I assume he just stopped by the RallyCross on his way home from a competition for cars available with three speed automatics made by dead manufacturers where he beat out a 1976 Isuzu Faster for first place.
But if you would have put that Neon in the stock all wheel drive class – up against Evos, WRXs, STIs, and any number of Imprezas – he would have gotten blown away, right? Nope. He would have come in second place.
“Oh but those cars are stock. Once you really get the horsepower pumping you definitely need all wheel drive.” First place in the Modified Front Wheel Drive class was an ’88 Civic. Put him in the Modified AWD class with full-on rally-prepped mega-turbocharged cars where the only rule limiting modifications is that you have to have a functional driver’s door. That ’88 Civic also gets second place.
So if you put all wheel drive car in a scenario where it theoretically has the greatest possible advantage – high speed and low traction, it wins, but only barely. Certainly not by enough that you, an average enthusiast, would be able to tell the difference. And definitely not by enough that your 148hp CrossTrek should be dragging a couple hundred pounds of differentials and axles for the 99.9% of the time when you’re not breaking traction.
Where am I going with all of this? Well, much of it stems from the impotent rage I feel pulling onto a snowy onramp and getting stuck behind a CR-V with a prominent AWD badge on the liftgate that is having trouble making it up the slight incline, and the rest of it comes from my own insecurity, probably, but that’s between me and my therapist.
So what do you think? Have I sufficiently riled up fans of center differentials? Are they on their way to my house right now en masse to kick my ass? I’m not worried. After all, I’m wearing a Tapout t-shirt.