Vulgar Cougar – Mikael Vroom

I’ll admit it – I had resigned myself to the fact that the M3 would be my “muscle car.” I mean, it’s V8-powered, it’s analog, it’s a bit rough, and it’s a riot, so that’s close enough to “muscle car,” right? Well, what happens when someone offers you a 1969 Mercury Cougar for free? And what if it’s priced at “free” for many very good reasons? Well, if you’re an idiot like me, you say yes.

Of course, I’m one to look a gift Cougar in the mouth, so I at least made sure it would run first:

So it ran, but it was still rusty, beat-up, locked-up, torn-down, and 12 miles from my house. More on that next time. And as far as the “really fast” part goes, consider the following: Canfield, Wiseco, Comp, Scat, and Hayabusa.

Don’t be like Mikael. Mikael is dumb. When someone offers Mikael a free vehicle, he takes it. No one ever gives away a vehicle worth owning. No one ever gives away a vehicle worth saving. Like the ineffective ’80s anti-drug campaign preached, Just Say No™.

Do I take my own advice? Of course not. Like a libidinous teenager playing Truth or D.A.R.E., I jump for dare every time, trembling in anticipation of the potential seven minutes in heaven with a gorgeous, curvaceous beauty. Unfortunately, more often than not, seven minutes in heaven turns into seven years in Project Car Hell – tracking down impossible to find parts and dealing with bodgey, hack repairs performed by a multitude of dodgy, hack previous owners. The one upside to a free car is the inevitable weight loss. Unfortunately, that weight loss is entirely a result of your wallet being continually emptied by a billion unforeseen expenses; enough to part you and your cash just about as quickly as your Dave Ramsey-loving spouse can preemptively chop up all of your credit cards. Read More

Category: Vulgar Cougar

My Next Project: An Ugly (but really fast) 1969 Mercury Cougar

Never Take a Free Car